As parents, we want the best for our children. And we expect the best of them. How many times when they were young did we think…”My kid will NEVER do that!”?
Well, for many of us, our kids DID do that…and THAT involved substance abuse (drugs and alcohol), or an addictive behavior (sex, pornography, eating disorders, etc). And as parents, it’s difficult to know how to handle this. We want to believe our children. And it takes a long time before we realize that addicts are great liars. And during this time, when we are believing (and hoping), and they are lying (and using), we become enablers.
Well, if this sounds like you, still hoping and believing, trust me, it’s not going to work.
To put it simply, it’s time to get over yourself. You don’t have all the answers, and even thought the addict IS your child and you believe you know him or her better than anyone else in the world (you definitely love him or her more), you probably don’t know a lot that might surprise you…and not in a good way.
Getting over yourself isn’t as mean as it sounds. When I say, “Get over yourself”, I literally mean…get over yourself. Rise above the situation and try to look at it from above it all…get a new perspective.
If nothing else, when taking yourself out of the drama and attempting to observe from a place where you can see more clearly and feel more honestly, you will gain a better understanding of your role in your loved one’s addiction. Maybe you are an enabler, but that was not your intent.
Maybe you have been naive in believing everything you were told, but that isn’t surprising – you are a loving parent. We all want to believe the best.